Bridal Etiquette Lesson #1: Getting Engaged and Telling People

So the ring is on your finger, your special someone has asked you to be with them forever and you have said "yes." Before you do any calling or telling, just, first of all, take a moment for you and your new fiance to take it all in. Getting engaged is a big step; sometimes a big scary step. So before you do anything else, hold them for as long as you can, kiss them, tell them how much you love them before you grab your phone and call everyone you ever knew. I swear there will be plenty of time to tell everyone and recount the story of the magical moment. But just take that moment. This isn't an etiquette thing as much as just relishing the moment that you probably thought about since you were little. So when you finally do pick up your phone to call, be prepared to tell the same story over and over and over annnnd over again. Yes, it may get old really fast, but this is the first time everyone else gets to hear it, so you have to sound excited or atleast sound like you're still glowing when you're recounting the event. People realy do want to hear about it. Getting engaged has been hyped up so much these days that sometimes the engagements are equally just as big as the weddings themselves. Speaking of which, like most things in our lives, what we always dreamed it to be will probably be better than what really happens. You may feel numb after the proposal, wondering if it's going to hit you that you are indeed engaged and also worried about why you are not more excited than those crazy screaming girls you seen in the movies or on the street. Just so you know, there is nothing wrong with you. Again, it may just take a second to adjust to the whole transition. This little period could take weeks, sometimes months. I still have a hard time calling Andrew my fiance. That being said, here is some "etiquette" traditional and new-age that will help you with getting engaged and breaking the news.

• Getting Engaged

Tradition states that the guy would have to go to the girl's parents to first ask their permission before even buying her a ring, waiting for the perfect moment, get down on one knee, and asking her to marry him. That's how my engagement worked, mostly because my parents required it to be that way. But, come on, women have grown to be self-sufficient bread-winners in the relationship, as well. Why let the boys have all the fun? You're allowed to pop the question, too. And if you've been together some time, even just talking about it and mutually agreeing to get married through a discussion is an acceptable way of "popping the question." Whatever floats your boat is basically the theme here. However, at least letting your parents know of this person's existance and theirs of yours is recommendable so as to not give your parents the shock of their lives (unless you like that sort of thing, I don't judge).

• The Engagement Ring

In tradition, the boy buys the girl a ring and when she breaks the news, women of all ages will usually grab at the left hand, demanding to see the rock. In tradition, also, the woman picks out the ring, the guy buys it and presents it to her upon engagement. Now though, you don't need a ring to be engaged. And it doesn't have to be a diamond, either. If there isn't a ring and someone seems to disapprove or call your guy a cheapskate, you will be able to do a number of things: retort with "He just couldn't find a ring worthy of me" or something along those lines and if someone does call your guy a cheapskate, then that is one person off your guest list right there. When talking about engagement, ask your guy first if he wants to pick out the ring if you do drop the hint of wanting one. Tradition states that it must be worth two months of what he makes, but I think that's crap. Giving up two month's salary for something so insignificant in the grand scheme of things is so impractical. There are better things to do with that money. But, back to the picking out an engagement ring, just mention to him what you would want in a ring, and then, if he wants to design the ring, let him. It may be a little daunting for you letting your guy do this, but having him create something special for you will just add to it when it is on your finger. Give the guy a chance to really do something awesome; you would be surprised with what he can do. And for the other way around, why not buy your guy an engagement ring, too? It doesn't have to be anything uber-expensive, but it would be a nice gesture and a symbol of your commitment to eachother if you do decide to get rings.

• Meeting the Parents

Tradition states that immediatly after the engagement, the groom's parents call on the bride's family to have a meeting of the families. Then, at other times, the bride's family is the one to make the general introduction. But if you are like many newly-engaged couples, there is a lot to deal with when thinking about the parents getting together. There may be little snags in that general rule like divorced parents, long distances between the two, time conflicts, etc. These days, the couple can plan the meeting of the inlaws since they can act as liaisons between the families and figure out a time, any time really, for the families to meet. It doesn't have to be a big dinner and it doesn't have to be immediatly following the engagement. And the parents don't even have to be best friends. The meeting of the families is basically a little get-together to meet your new future family members and can be planned anytime before the wedding, including the days before the big day if there is a ton of distance to be covered between the families.

• Engagement Announcements

You see them in the Sunday papers: the engagement annoucements of the newly engaged couples who will be making their way down the aisle in a year or so. They look so blissfully happy. If you have always wanted your picture with "the one" in that Sunday paper, tradition states that you should post it tops a year before the nuptials. If you don't feel like letting everyone you ever loved and hated know, then engagement announcements in the paper are indeed not necessary.