Breaking Down the Budget: Who Pays(Traditional and the Not-So-Much)

So, you may now have your wedding in mind. Whether it is going to be the social event of the season or just a little shindig in your backyard, it's always a daunting question about where the money is actually going to come from. Below is the traditional breakdown of wedding costs.

• The Bride's Family Pays for:

-The wedding planner

-All stationery, including invitations, thank you cards, announcements, and postage

-The bride's dress and sometimes the female attendents' dresses as well

-All reception expenses

- Flowers

-The groom's wedding ring

-Wedding photography and/or veideography

-Officiant fee

-Music

-Accomodations for all out of town guests

-Transportation of guests to and from the wedding and reception

• The Groom's Family

-The marriage license

-The bride's wedding ring

-The rehearsel dinner

-Flowers, mainly bouttonieres for the men

-Bachelor dinner

-Honeymoon

So, that's mainly it. Many a times, parents are more than happy to foot the bill, but if you are like me, the idea of my parents blowing all their hard earned money on a weekend of frivolities makes me feel uncomfortable. The above breakdown of expenses is really just old, outdated, and used as a default if you really don't know how to go about breaking them down. But this is more of a guideline than a rule now. Many brides and grooms are paying for their own weddings, or splitting the costs with both sides of the family if the parents are insistant on helping out financially. There is another reason why brides and grooms are not taking anything from their parents and that is if you want something done your way, being financially obligated to indulge your parents because they are paying will stifle your creativity and keep you away from the wedding of your dreams. And I'm not saying that parents who pay hold their kids arms bhind their backs and make them do the wedding their way. But when they make a suggestion you are expected to at least acknowledge it, and that is the polite thing to do. But then the suggestion begins to weigh on your mind more because your parents are paying and the suggestion came from them. So now I have listed the pros and cons of the paying parties:

1. The Traditional Breakdown. The pros are that the parents basically take care of everything and the couple rides off into the sunset not financially broken. The cons are that the parents are going to have more say in everything you choose, from the guest list to the music choices. My advice is to have a sit-down discussion with the parents, and let them know how much you appreciate them footing the bills, but also nicely reminding them that it is your big day, and advice from them will be solicited when needed. It will let your parents know where you stand as an adult and save you from a lot of conflict later. But if your parents have a very hands-on attitude about the wedding, discuss with them the aspects of the wedding that are important to them. That way you all have an understanding of who wants to do what and there won't be arguments over unexpected creative clashes.
2. The Bride and Groom pay. The pros are that you will learn how to budget together, have complete creative license over the affair, and you will really appreciate the event more because you paid for it. The cons are that you may have to, strike that, will have to constantly budget your living expenses with wedding expenses, possibly take out lines of credit to pay for it if you want something more elaborate, and could probably end up with less of a wedding than you were hoping for. My advice for that is to start saving now. Just putting back about $100 from each of your paychecks saves about $400 a month. Over the course of a year that's $4,800! Even cutting some expenses like eating out often or going to see a movie could save around $2,000 a year.
3. Everyone chipping in a little here and there. The pros is that not just one party is stuck with all the bills, everyone gets a say in the planning process or none if they choose. The cons are the more of people paying, the more opinions are going to be thrown into the wedding pot. Just remember to stick to your vision about your wedding day. If a contributor to the wedding comes forward and is very adamant about integrating an aspect of the wedding, discuss it with them and let them be heard. Don't dismiss the idea before you have heard them out.

Also, though tradition states the wedding party expenses are paid for by the bride and groom's families, you may want the attendents to help pay, mainly for their attire and transportation. Let them know way in advance so that they don't feel like they have been jipped as the wedding day approaches. This will give them time to decline the attendent invite if they can't afford the costs.

Mainly, for all aspects of the budgeting and money interests, you need to discuss it with all parties involved. Communication is key.