What I Am Thankful For...

It's been a nutso year, guys. A lot of stuff has changed: not being engaged anymore, my Papa is with Nana, I have one more semester of classes left (when did that happen?), and I have just become a completely different person in general. It seems that, a lot of the time, I complain about what I don't have and if I "just had this one thing my life would be better." But today, I am going to look back at the previous year and list the things I am thankful for. This may take a while ladies and gents, so if you are not in it for the long-haul...bugger off (and I mean this in the nicest way possible).

• My family. We have been through some really crazy stuff, but through it all, we're still together and we still love each other. My parents have been so supportive of my life decisions, even if they don't exactly agree with them, and they are letting me learn the hard way. But, honestly, that's the only way I can learn. My dad has had so many surgeries this year, and I am just so thankful that he has come out of them just fine. He is on the road to recovery and out of his cast. :) Hopefully this is THE LAST of the surgeries. My mom has had a really hard time with losing Papa and work this year. But she has held in there tight and she is going to make it out. I am so thankful for her giving me a job in her office, even if I didn't exactly like the office lifestyle. I am thankful for her and dad helping me pay for my Europe trip. It's a lifelong dream finally realized! I love you both so much! My baby sister, Melanie, who is so much stronger than I will ever be. She is like my big sister at times, helps me get through the rough patches, and still loves me even when I mess up EPICALLY! Little One, you know I love you and I wouldn't trade our bond for anything on this planet. Uncle Mike, you have done so much for me this past year and I know it's been a hard one. But I am so thankful for you being around as my second dad, loving me even when I do stupid stuff (I feel like this is becoming a theme...haha!), and being there with Ma. To all my family, mentioned and not, I love you all and am thankful for having you in my life.




• My home. This time last year I was freaking out because I honestly thought I was going to be homeless. But I have a beautiful home and it's just fantastic. Couldn't ask for a better place to live.



• My job(s). I recognize how bad the economy is and even if I am working at crazy hours on a Saturday night or hanging out on my feet for an hour, passing hors d'oeuvres to (groping) older men, I am thankful for that. I am able to live comfortably, that is something awesome right now.


• My faith. I have never been much of a religious person. But this year, between my anxiety attack rehab and Papa, I have been tested. But, this is going to sound so cheesey, my faith has gotten me through this. God is helping my family and me out. I know that things are going to get better. I just have a feeling, if you know what I mean.
  
  
• Andrew. My best friend on the entire planet. I have put you through so much. At the end of the day, I don't tell you this enough, I thank God that you're in my life. You could have bailed out and pretty much kicked me to the curb, which I honestly deserved. But you have continued to be my friend after all the crap I pulled. You may not think you're strong, but you really are. Your compassion and understanding for what I have been going through has been near Sainthood. I'm sure a lot of our friends would agree. Just want you to know, you're pretty much always going to be Number One in my friend book and I will always love you.



• My friends. You guys know who you are. You called me out, you made me feel awful about the mistakes I made, and you hugged me when I cried. There has been a time when I couldn't live with myself and the mistakes I made, so I had to push myself away from you. And let's face it, I was being a bi-otch. But that didn't stop me from loving you guys. You all had the chutzbah to tell me that I was in the wrong, and I recognize that now. I am just glad that I still have your friendship. I love you. (Another theme)



• Maddie. This cat has gotten me through some hard stuff. And yes, she spars with me for my pillow, farts emphatically when I pick her up, and drives me bonkers, but my God, I love this cat. She is my soulmate and makes me feel so happy.

A Note

Dear Guys,
There was a time when you all had to make the first move. A time when girls didn't have to throw up every signal in existence to get a date. A time when you got the chutzbah to say "Hey, I like you, let's go out sometime" or even "I want to be with you." Somewhere after the '90's I guess, because I just remember all these movies talking about how "it's the 90's, girls can ask guys out," guys pretty much stopped asking girls out on dates or telling them how they felt in general. Somehow, it was encoded into my psyche that if I liked a boy, I was the pursuer, because the boy, even if he liked me, would never make the first move. At the same time, I am a shy girl. I don't do too well with revealing the true me without proper encouragement. With me, even though I am the one to always pursue, I am also the one to clam up upon actually getting a date. Alot of the time I wonder if they are there because I was the only one to ask them out or if they really do fancy me. And you guys just clam up. I don't need a whole shpeel on your ardent feelings for me, but please, if any girl asks if you care about her, or asks what you want, please tell her. As for me, if you don't know what you want from life, please don't become involved with me. I allowed myself to fall so hard for this one person who had no idea what he wanted, even though I made it clear to him he was what I wanted and I had a feeling I could make him happy. But he said he didn't know, and he lost me. Before the question was asked, I was able to be myself around him, and then after, it was the most horrible awkwardness on my part because I didn't know how to act with him. I was afraid to touch him, to play with him, to enjoy myself with him as the real me, because I was afraid of becoming too attached to someone who didn't and probably wouldn't love me back. It broke my heart. So, the moral of the story is, please, before you get involved with anyone, boys (and girls for that matter), atleast have an idea of what you want. And if you don't want that person, don't lead them on. It will break them worse than anything. Second, guys, if you fancy a girl, ask her out on a date. So what if she says "no?" You tried and that's all that matters. If you guys are already acquainted, then the more reason she has to say "yes." As for me, I am tired of pursuing. I think I am at a point in my life where I think I am worth fighting for, working to win over, or even just driving about an hour or so to visit. I am a hopeless romantic, I suppose, who upon leaving a lover behind they follow me just to give me an extra kiss goodbye. Whatever. I am exhausted from this heartbreak of mine. If you like, care about, or love me, come and get me. I am waiting. And I am sure many girls would sympathize with me.

Honesty

I was on the phone with a friend of mine tonight, and though he is the most frustrating and vindictive human being I've ever met, often times what he says is honest and I can do nothing but listen. Because many a times, the honesty just strikes down anything else I was going to say. Maybe it is the delivery, but I think about it. Tonight we were discussing celebrities. We got into an argument about which ones appeal to us and he said "Nicole Kidman." I don't find Nicole Kidman remotely attractive, though I do find her beautiful and talented. She was fantastic in Moulin Rouge and a few semesters ago in makeup class, I tried to emulate her perfect face for a celebrity look-alike project. Needless to say, it looked really bad, because you can't put Nicole Kidman's face on a bone structure that rivals a kewpie doll(just kidding). But there is something about her. I saw it a lot when I studied how she moved, how she acted in public. She isn't personable. She is cold, and beyond what I see on television there is not much to go off of. So that is where the argument began. My friend asked me how I could judge her based off what I saw on television and in movies. He said that no one really shows their true selves, not even he did. Not even me. And it hurt, because I thought that the friend I knew was always the way he was. But it was one of those things where we understood each other. And it made sense. So many of our relationships are based off lies of what we want other people to see. He wants the world to see someone who doesn't care, so he acts that way. Maybe that is the person he truly believes himself to be...I guess I'll never know the real him. But that doesn't really matter, because he had touched a good point with me. He was right. I am a people pleaser by nature. Being the first child, I was bent on bringing home straight A's, getting the best parts in plays, being the winner, because making my parents and friends proud of me made me feel good. I am a nice girl; I don't like to hurt anyone's feelings, so I often lie about how I really feel, what i really want to make everyone else happy. For the longest time, I talked myself into a lie to make someone I really cared about happy because for that time it made me feel the same way to see him feel so great. We're just a bunch of liars, it's all an act. With the exception of my family, I just feel like I can't really trust or depend on anyone for the truth. Because in all honesty we are just a censored version of our true selves, and I'm guilty of that, too.
So, I am going to give something a try. I am going to shed my tough skin a little bit. It's become a habit hiding behind the nice girl, the people pleaser. I am going to step out of my comfort zone by being more honest with everyone. This could be fun.

I Am Going to Europe!!!!

Hello everyone! It has been a busy past two weeks, so I am catching up on my blog while I have a chance. I have decided, rather quickly, to take a trip to Europe over Spring Break. It is an 8-day excursion, which I think will be fantastic and I plan on having a great time. I would say more about it, but just see for yourself! It's going to be a wonderful experience. My friend Morgan is the only one definitely coming so far. I am hoping to get a few more to come along with me. If you want to come, let me know by September 29, that is the day I am signing up. Morgan expressed how she wanted us to book together, so if you want to, let me know.

Day 1 Flight
Overnight flight to europe
Day 2 london
Arrival in london • Welcome to London!

After clearing customs, you’ll meet your full-time EFCB Tour Guide and the
rest of your group. Did you know that more than 200 languages
are spoken in London?
Walking tour of london • Get to know London on an
informal stroll with your tour guide. Walk along the banks of
the River Thames, and then head to Trafalgar Square, once
famous for its huge pigeon population. Continue to bustling
Leicester Square and on to chic Covent Garden.
Welcome drink • Get to know the other travelers in your
group over included drinks. Afterwards, head out on the
town, or go back to the hotel to catch up on some sleep.

Day 3 london
Hop-on, Hop-off double-decker bus tour • See
London at your own pace on a classic double-decker bus
ride all over town. For 24 hours you can get off and back on
whenever you want. Tour routes take you to all the big sights,
including the awe-inspiring St. Paul’s Cathedral and Tower of
London. You’ll also cruise by Piccadilly Circus, Whitehall and
Trafalgar Square, as live commentary tells you all there is to
know about this storied city.
Free time london (day) •

Top 5 suggestions:
1. Covent Garden • Seek out bargains at this bustling covered
market; souvenirs, clothes, crafts and much more.
2. Tower of London • Trace England’s bloody history in this
famous fortress and see the legendary Crown Jewels.
3. Abbey Road • Probably the world’s most famous crosswalk,
this spot is a must-see for any Beatles fan.
4. Madame Tussaud’s Wax Museum • Be amazed as you
wander this huge gallery filled with frighteningly real wax
dummies of your favorite celebrities and historical figures.
5. Tate Modern • Visit one of the world’s premier modern
art museums.

Day 4 london
Optional excursion to Stonehenge and Bath
(extra cost) • Opt to head out into the English countryside,
and see the myst is still unknown, but most believe it was a temple and astronomical
observatory. Then move on to Bath, an ancient spa
town popular with early Romans and 18th-century English
aristocracy. See the ruins and check out the bath houses.
Free time london (night) • Top 5 suggestions:
1. West End Theatre district • Catch a play in London’s
version of Broadway.
2. Soho • This lively part of town is famous for its nightlife,
with pubs, clubs, live music—you name it.
3. Comedy Store • Laugh till you can’t anymore at this
beloved venue, the heart and soul of the UK comedy scene.
4. Fabric • This huge underground dance club has three
dance floors, plus some mellower spaces.
5. Astoria • This acclaimed concert venue has seen the
likes of Radiohead, Nirvana and Kylie Minogue.
(For more ideas and details, see our London city guide at
efcollegebreak.com.)
Day 5 paris
Eurostar train to Paris • The high-speed train whisks
you under the English Channel to Paris. Did you know that
the “Chunnel” was first suggested by a French engineer in
1802? He imagined travelers going by horse and carriage
with lanterns lighting the way.
Free time paris (day) • Top 5 suggestions:
1. Musée d’Orsay • This amazing museum built into an old
train station is a runaway favorite of many art lovers. Enjoy
masterpieces by Monet, Van Gogh, and many more.
2. Champs-Elysées • The famous boulevard has witnessed
several major historical moments, but it’s best-known for its
high fashion shopping and unbeatable people-watching.
3. Arc de Triomphe • Built to commemorate Napoleon’s
Grande Armée, this famous arch has amazing views.
4. Père Lachaise Cemetery • Pay your respects to many
famous figures, including Marcel Proust and the legendary
Doors front man Jim Morrison.
5. Montmartre • Climb the stairs or take the funicular
railway up to this charming artists’ haven. Take in amazing
panoramic views and go inside the Sacré Coeur church.
Evening Seine cruise and Eiffel Tower • Float down
the river while the City of Light glimmers all around you. Then
ascend to the top of the most famous tower in the world, and
take in the dazzling views of the illuminated city below.
Day 6 paris
Sightseeing tour of Paris (local guide) • A professional
local guide will lead you on a panoramic bus tour and
teach you about the city. Witness Parisian life in action as
you drive down the always fashionable Champs-Elysées. See
the imposing Arc de Triomphe and the Conciergerie, where
prisoners of the Revolution passed their final days.
Eiffel Tower photostop • Your guided tour includes a
stop at the Eiffel Tower, where you’ll have a chance to take
those must-have shots of the famous steel structure. The
Eiffel Tower was built in 1889 for the World’s Fair and was
supposed to be disassembled after the event. It was only after
authorities realized its usefulness for radio communication
that it was spared the wrecking ball.
Optional excursion to versailles (extra cost) •
Opt to spend the afternoon at the opulent palace of Louis
XIV. This is where French royalty reveled in its extravagant
lifestyle while the masses starved, leading to the Revolution.
Stroll through the well-manicured gardens along the river and
check yourself out in the Hall of Mirrors.
Day 7 paris
Louvre MuseuM • The world’s most famous museum is
a sprawling complex that was once a royal palace. One could
wander for days among its masterpieces. Today, you’ll hit all
the highlights, including the Venus de Milo and Leonardo Da
Vinci’s incomparably mysterious Mona Lisa.
Walking tour of Paris • Your tour guide takes you on
an informal stroll around town. Walk through the Latin Quarter,
an area packed with college students from the Sorbonne,
Paris’s most famous university. Make your way along the
Seine, and check out les bouquinistes, the little stalls that
sell old books, maps, art prints and postcards. It’s the perfect
place to pick up some authentic souvenirs.
Notre Dame Cathedral • Go inside the famous medieval
cathedral, built between 1163 and 1361. Admire the
stained-glass windows and seemingly weightless vaulted
ceilings. The amazing cathedral was the inspiration for Victor
Hugo’s famous book The Hunchback of Notre Dame.

Farewell dinner • Share some last laughs (and maybe
shed a few tears) at a farewell dinner with the group.
Day 8 paris
Flight home

List of Things I Am Going to Do Before I Die

Time to re-evaluate my life. Time to set some goals for myself and put things back in perspective. I lost sight of what I really wanted from life and it's taken me a while to get back to the person I was. But I am back and I am taking advantage of the clarity I have attained. My list of things I want to do before I die:

• Get my Master's in Music Performance at Belmont University
• Audition for Opera Carolina next Spring
• Get my pilot's license
• Go on a cruise
• Go to Italy, France (the country, not so big on the city scene), the UK, including Scotland & Ireland( i have to see my family's castle)
• Finish a damn novel. Don't know how many I have started and finished.
• Become a voice teacher.
• Gradually tackle the Appalachian Trail, state by state.
• Go to Australia, just because it looks like fun
• Audition for the Metropolitan Opera National Council Award
• Study Bel Canto in London for a "semester"
• Visit the Paris Opera House

This is a short list. there is more I want to do but for right now, this is a good list.

Calling Off a Wedding

To be honest, I don't know how this will go. I will also state that I do have my reasons and if I have not made them known to you, you don't need to know the details. So, please do not ask me what happened. All you need to know is that Andrew and I are not getting married. We are staying together, but we are no longer engaged. So, I thought it would only be customary to finish off the bridal section of my blog by detailing the many reasons for calling off an engagement and the proper etiquette to go about it.
As we know, the divorce rate in our country is 50%. This rate is increased for couples who live together before marriage. This also increases the younger you are when you get married. So, for whatever reason you decide to call off your engagement, you are more than likely doing the right thing. Marriage is not something to be entered into lightly. It is not a promise to be made and broken, which is what society has made it. It is a promise to love someone with all your heart for all eternity. If for any reason you have intense doubts about getting married, and this is basically anything beyond cold feet or wedding jitters, call it off. I'm serious! Yes, it will hurt your family, your fiance, your friends may hate you, your fiances friends will more than likely hate you, and it will hurt you too. If it doesn't hurt when you break it off, you have no soul. But, think about it. Those doubts will come back to haunt you and the more you repress them, the more they will build up until all you have is an unsalvageable marriage. I know it's unromantic to call off a wedding when really you should be the perfect bride or groom and have stars in your eyes through it all, but really...do not get married if you have doubts. It will save you tons of heartache and lawyers and alimony in the end.
So, etiquette. This is the hardest part, girls. But if you follow these easy steps you will do just fine.
1. Take the ring off your finger.
2.Return it to the rightful owner. If he bought it, give it back to him. If you bought something for him, ask him nicely to give it back. If it is from your family, give it back to the family.
3. By doing this you will save yourself many a brawl and court battle. It has happened.
Give yourself and your fiance time to talk about the situation. Talk about where you will be going from there. If you will still be dating, tell them so. If you are breaking up, tell them so. Don't leave anything up to interpretation. If you do, that could lead to even more heartbreak in the longrun.
Call your parents and break the news. Then you may call your bridesmaids and groomsmen.
If you have received gifts, send them back. You are not getting married anymore and you don't deserve them. Sorry about being brash.
If you have put out any news announcements, have the newspaper put out a cancellation announcement.
If you have sent out invitations, call your guests and notify them of the cancellation.
If you are severing ties with your fiance, do it in a civil manner. Don't finger point and fight. They are hurting as much as you, if not, more. Be nice, break things off clean. Take the fond memories you have.
It may be for the best that you attend counseling after the cancellation. You may think you don't need it, but having someone unbiased to talk to about your fears, your hopes, and your moving on. Just remember to take it a day at a time. It does get easier.

Julia Child, Eat Your Heart Out

Earlier this week, my Dah had a foot surgery, hopefully the last one so I went home to hang out with him and make my parents dinner. Like most major decisions, we had a run around about what i was going to make them for dinner. After an hour of deliberation, I chose to make my parents a quiche reminiscent of the one we enjoyed at the Old Mill Pottery Cafe. I found the recipe online at cooks.com, but I have to say that I the cook time was not quite right. But if you are looking for an easy to make, exquisitely delicious meal, I highly recommend this bacon cheese and onion quiche.
Ingredients(Makes 6 servings)

• 6 Slices of Crisply Cooked Bacon


• 3 eggs


• 1 cup half and half


• 1/2 cup milk


• 1 1/2 cups of cheddar cheese


• 1 Tbsp. flour


• 1 small onion, chopped


• 1 9-inch pie crust, room temperature


• Salt and pepper to taste

Preheat the oven to 450 degrees.

1. Mix together the cheese and flour with your hands in a small bowl and set aside.


2. Mix together the eggs, half and half, milk, and salt in pepper in another bowl. Set aside.


3. Begin cooking the bacon in a frying pan on medium heat until the bacon is crispy. Lay out on paper towel to dry.


4. Drain some but not all of the bacon grease and sautee the chopped onions in the bacon grease.


5. While the bacon is cooking, spray the quiche dish with non-stick spray and place the pie crust in it. Using your index and middle finger as well as your ring finger, begin to pinch the crust on the edges to create a nice edge.


6. Pour the cheese mixture onto the pie crust. Sprinkle the crumpled bacon on top. Shake out the sauteed onions on top of the bacon.


7. Pour the egg mixture into the pie crust so that it evenly spreads through the cheese, bacon, and onions.


8. Bake the quiche for 15 minutes at 450 degrees. Then, reduce the heat to 350 degrees and cook for an additional 20 minutes.


9. Test the quiche for doneness by inserting a toothpick in the center. If it comes out clean, it is done. Bake for an additional 5 minutes if it is not done.


10. Cut up the quiche and serve.

Side recommendations: A light salad and grapes. Soooo good. If you are feeling daring, try out the quiche with a fruity wine like Sangria. It really complements the cheesiness of the quiche.