A Note

Dear Guys,
There was a time when you all had to make the first move. A time when girls didn't have to throw up every signal in existence to get a date. A time when you got the chutzbah to say "Hey, I like you, let's go out sometime" or even "I want to be with you." Somewhere after the '90's I guess, because I just remember all these movies talking about how "it's the 90's, girls can ask guys out," guys pretty much stopped asking girls out on dates or telling them how they felt in general. Somehow, it was encoded into my psyche that if I liked a boy, I was the pursuer, because the boy, even if he liked me, would never make the first move. At the same time, I am a shy girl. I don't do too well with revealing the true me without proper encouragement. With me, even though I am the one to always pursue, I am also the one to clam up upon actually getting a date. Alot of the time I wonder if they are there because I was the only one to ask them out or if they really do fancy me. And you guys just clam up. I don't need a whole shpeel on your ardent feelings for me, but please, if any girl asks if you care about her, or asks what you want, please tell her. As for me, if you don't know what you want from life, please don't become involved with me. I allowed myself to fall so hard for this one person who had no idea what he wanted, even though I made it clear to him he was what I wanted and I had a feeling I could make him happy. But he said he didn't know, and he lost me. Before the question was asked, I was able to be myself around him, and then after, it was the most horrible awkwardness on my part because I didn't know how to act with him. I was afraid to touch him, to play with him, to enjoy myself with him as the real me, because I was afraid of becoming too attached to someone who didn't and probably wouldn't love me back. It broke my heart. So, the moral of the story is, please, before you get involved with anyone, boys (and girls for that matter), atleast have an idea of what you want. And if you don't want that person, don't lead them on. It will break them worse than anything. Second, guys, if you fancy a girl, ask her out on a date. So what if she says "no?" You tried and that's all that matters. If you guys are already acquainted, then the more reason she has to say "yes." As for me, I am tired of pursuing. I think I am at a point in my life where I think I am worth fighting for, working to win over, or even just driving about an hour or so to visit. I am a hopeless romantic, I suppose, who upon leaving a lover behind they follow me just to give me an extra kiss goodbye. Whatever. I am exhausted from this heartbreak of mine. If you like, care about, or love me, come and get me. I am waiting. And I am sure many girls would sympathize with me.