Keeping the Spark in Your Relationship

Good night, all! This is your favorite professional insomniac burning the night oil to bring you all a quality blog. Lately, I have been focusing on wedding planning topics, but narily have I zeroed in on the marriage itself. Any body from Dick and Jane to Brangelina will tell you it is hard to keep up a relationship. We are creatures that were born to, let's face it, spread our seed and move on to help our species grow. Then, on another level, we are also creatures who many a time choose to commit to be with one person for the rest of our lives. In the past, the average life expectancy was pretty low, given that modern medicine was yet to really take off. Now, the average person is capable of living into their late 70's. That's a long time to be living with, loving, being intimate with one person. When the institution of marriage was thought up, it was a great idea, because you didn't have to stay with that person too long before the plague shot you down. Now, our divorce rates are higher than ever because A. We get bored easily being with one person for the rest of our lives, B. There are so many other great potential mates running around, C. Many are too lazy to actually commit to a real relationship and D. Not many people take marriage seriously anymore AKA I will love you for now until someone better comes along or we end this thing violently. It's a dark, cruel world we newly-weds are entering into. Instead of wondering if the marriage will last, family & friends now make bets on how long the marriage will last before you call it quits. It's depressing, really. Here are a few stats to really grasp the big picture of what marriage means to us.

The average life span of a live-in relationship is three years.
55% of wives and 70% of husbands who admitted being unfaithful reported that their spouses did not know of the affair.
50% of all first marriages, 70% of second marriages, 90% of subsequent marriages will end up in divorce.
Even in happy marriages, more than 80% of the time, it is the wife who raises marital issues while the husband tries to avoid discussing them.
Only 10% of people who leave marriages end up marrying the person with whom they had an affair.
In an argument when your heart rate goes over 100 beats a minute, you are incapable of hearing what your partner is trying to tell you.

So, if you're still here then you are obviously concerned about to well-being of your relationship and are willing to commit to your special someone and your relationship. I am not going to lie, I am the kind of person who gets bored fast in a relationship. When I get bored, things go bad quickly. But Andrew seems worth my time (I guess I like him, I don't know...) so I have looked up some tips on how to keep the love and companionship alive in our relationship as well as added a few tips of my own from experiences. Feel free to add some tips of your own! The committed people of the world are so few and far between, we need all the help we can get.

• Keep in touch. This goes physically as well as socially. Cuddle as you fall asleep, give them a pat on the back, a kiss on the cheek, a graze of the hand to let them know that they are special to you. We are tactile creatures and it has been proven that if we go without human contact we die prematurely. Talk to each other when you have the chance, and not just about your job. Still talk about your dreams, your goals together, how happy you are to be with them. Doing so will bring a freshness to your relationship each time, because it will remind you of being on your first date again. And most of all, say "I love you" and mean it!
• Be spontaneous! Easier said than done, this tip, if used right, will rejuvinate all aspects of your relationship. The main part of this is if your partner wants to try something new and it's not going to kill you, don't say "no" to it. "No" is death! "No" will kill a relationship faster than you can say it. When you use that word, you are not just closing the door to one opportunity but to many down the road. When you or your partner says "no" over and over it is giving out a signal that you are indeed boring, love being boring, and never want to do anything interesting ever again. So start saying "yes" to new things more often, and you will enjoy the newness together.
• Don't sweat the small stuff. Some wakko made it a good thing to fight in a relationship, simply by saying that make-up sex is the best sex. I don't know about that, but fighting in a relationship in general is not healthy. Now, I'm in favor of a heated discussion every now and then when it is important, but if you freak out over every little thing that doesn't go right or you don't like, your relationship will deteriorate. So, instead of yelling, take a breath, and tell your person how you feel and why.
• Communicate. Wanna here something hilarious? For generations women have harped about how men just don't listen. In one ear and out the other...But a new study shows that women actually listen less than men. Fantastic! Simply exquisite busting of a myth! Communication is the easiest and hardest thing to do in a relationship. We yearn to communicate our feelings and thoughts, so the giving part is usually not to hard to do. But the listening part is what we really stink at. So try listening more everyday and the relationship should grow.
• It's okay to crush on someone as long as you tell your partner. You're not dead just because you are committed. That hot guy/girl isn't going to get any less hotter because you said "I do." You are able to flirt even if you are living with someone. Why our culture has this crazy double-edged sword about feeling guilty about liking someone, but then accepting extra-marital affairs is beyond me. Crushing on new people is healthy. Repressing it is not, along with pursuing it. By keeping your communication lines open with your partner, you can tell them all sorts of things, including you having feelings for someone. Getting your feelings for someone else out in the air also makes it more real to you and your partner, thus giving you a reality check. Talking about your interests in someone will ultimately prevent you from cheating because now that your partner knows, you have this buddy system to prevent you from doing so.

Have any ideas? Submit them in the comments bar! Until next time!

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