Keeping the Spark in Your Relationship

Good night, all! This is your favorite professional insomniac burning the night oil to bring you all a quality blog. Lately, I have been focusing on wedding planning topics, but narily have I zeroed in on the marriage itself. Any body from Dick and Jane to Brangelina will tell you it is hard to keep up a relationship. We are creatures that were born to, let's face it, spread our seed and move on to help our species grow. Then, on another level, we are also creatures who many a time choose to commit to be with one person for the rest of our lives. In the past, the average life expectancy was pretty low, given that modern medicine was yet to really take off. Now, the average person is capable of living into their late 70's. That's a long time to be living with, loving, being intimate with one person. When the institution of marriage was thought up, it was a great idea, because you didn't have to stay with that person too long before the plague shot you down. Now, our divorce rates are higher than ever because A. We get bored easily being with one person for the rest of our lives, B. There are so many other great potential mates running around, C. Many are too lazy to actually commit to a real relationship and D. Not many people take marriage seriously anymore AKA I will love you for now until someone better comes along or we end this thing violently. It's a dark, cruel world we newly-weds are entering into. Instead of wondering if the marriage will last, family & friends now make bets on how long the marriage will last before you call it quits. It's depressing, really. Here are a few stats to really grasp the big picture of what marriage means to us.

The average life span of a live-in relationship is three years.
55% of wives and 70% of husbands who admitted being unfaithful reported that their spouses did not know of the affair.
50% of all first marriages, 70% of second marriages, 90% of subsequent marriages will end up in divorce.
Even in happy marriages, more than 80% of the time, it is the wife who raises marital issues while the husband tries to avoid discussing them.
Only 10% of people who leave marriages end up marrying the person with whom they had an affair.
In an argument when your heart rate goes over 100 beats a minute, you are incapable of hearing what your partner is trying to tell you.

So, if you're still here then you are obviously concerned about to well-being of your relationship and are willing to commit to your special someone and your relationship. I am not going to lie, I am the kind of person who gets bored fast in a relationship. When I get bored, things go bad quickly. But Andrew seems worth my time (I guess I like him, I don't know...) so I have looked up some tips on how to keep the love and companionship alive in our relationship as well as added a few tips of my own from experiences. Feel free to add some tips of your own! The committed people of the world are so few and far between, we need all the help we can get.

• Keep in touch. This goes physically as well as socially. Cuddle as you fall asleep, give them a pat on the back, a kiss on the cheek, a graze of the hand to let them know that they are special to you. We are tactile creatures and it has been proven that if we go without human contact we die prematurely. Talk to each other when you have the chance, and not just about your job. Still talk about your dreams, your goals together, how happy you are to be with them. Doing so will bring a freshness to your relationship each time, because it will remind you of being on your first date again. And most of all, say "I love you" and mean it!
• Be spontaneous! Easier said than done, this tip, if used right, will rejuvinate all aspects of your relationship. The main part of this is if your partner wants to try something new and it's not going to kill you, don't say "no" to it. "No" is death! "No" will kill a relationship faster than you can say it. When you use that word, you are not just closing the door to one opportunity but to many down the road. When you or your partner says "no" over and over it is giving out a signal that you are indeed boring, love being boring, and never want to do anything interesting ever again. So start saying "yes" to new things more often, and you will enjoy the newness together.
• Don't sweat the small stuff. Some wakko made it a good thing to fight in a relationship, simply by saying that make-up sex is the best sex. I don't know about that, but fighting in a relationship in general is not healthy. Now, I'm in favor of a heated discussion every now and then when it is important, but if you freak out over every little thing that doesn't go right or you don't like, your relationship will deteriorate. So, instead of yelling, take a breath, and tell your person how you feel and why.
• Communicate. Wanna here something hilarious? For generations women have harped about how men just don't listen. In one ear and out the other...But a new study shows that women actually listen less than men. Fantastic! Simply exquisite busting of a myth! Communication is the easiest and hardest thing to do in a relationship. We yearn to communicate our feelings and thoughts, so the giving part is usually not to hard to do. But the listening part is what we really stink at. So try listening more everyday and the relationship should grow.
• It's okay to crush on someone as long as you tell your partner. You're not dead just because you are committed. That hot guy/girl isn't going to get any less hotter because you said "I do." You are able to flirt even if you are living with someone. Why our culture has this crazy double-edged sword about feeling guilty about liking someone, but then accepting extra-marital affairs is beyond me. Crushing on new people is healthy. Repressing it is not, along with pursuing it. By keeping your communication lines open with your partner, you can tell them all sorts of things, including you having feelings for someone. Getting your feelings for someone else out in the air also makes it more real to you and your partner, thus giving you a reality check. Talking about your interests in someone will ultimately prevent you from cheating because now that your partner knows, you have this buddy system to prevent you from doing so.

Have any ideas? Submit them in the comments bar! Until next time!

<3

Talking to My Past

Okah, so, haven't been on as much I have intended to be and here's why:

1. I am working 3 jobs this summer! Yes, three! And only two are simply fantastic and the other just sucks out my soul everytime I kiss Andrew goodbye to come to it.

2. I have nothing to talk about wedding wise. And I kind of lost the wedding etiquette book I was working from, so meh...BUT I FOUND IT, after the library called me for the umpteenth time. Reminds me of the "Better Off Dead" paper boy..."Two dollars!" Okay...maybe not.

3. My life has been pretty boring.

4. I am soooo in love with Doctor Who. I want to officially apologize to Andrew for making fun of him for liking the show, because now I am so addicted, I find myself wearing my chucks more often, chattering(mostly in a singular sense) my teeth together when I make a point, saying bollocks, and feeling really bad about my life because I cannot, in fact, meet the Face of Boh or hear the Tardis apporaching.

5. I spend so much time on the computer at my mom's office that when I do get some me time, I hate the internet!

So, I have been following this kid's vlog on YouTube, and he made a fantastic video about 10 things I would tell myself 10 years ago if I were able to go back in time. So...here they are in letter form.

Dear 11-year-old Morgan,

First off, I know you're a little worried about the whole 2000 thing and the world ending, and whatnot, but save your stomach ulsars for later, but you will live past 2000, 2001, and the other doosmday days, and stop watching the History Channel-TODAY! I'm not going to tell you why, but History Channel will ruin your life, promise you.

Now, I want you to know, boys are stupid and you should start throwing rocks at them NOW! Just kidding. There will be quite a few stupid boys you have to look forward to, promise, and all but one will break your heart, and I'm just saying this one time, avoid boys that have red hair! Avoid them!

Do not take it seriously when these middle school girls pick on you for reading and being booksmart. I know where they are now, and you should know, everytime they make fun of you, just laugh in their faces and for about...8 years they'll wonder why and then get the joke of it all.

Take SAT prep. Done!

Everytime mom gives you money for allowance, save it up in an account. You will one day have a very scary thing in your life called a mortgage. Just know that it is the devil and will take your sunshine and rainbows away every time you see money leave your account.

Run, walk, bike, I don't care what you do, but you need to stay active. It will save you a lot of ghastly pictures in the future. No you're not fat, darling, you're just uncomfortable to look at now.

Take every opportunity you get or else you will indeed regret a lot in the future.

Don't feel too depressed if you don't get a part in a play. Start taking voice lessons and acting classes TODAY!

There will be a day when the world is going to seem like it is coming to an end, but it's not. There will be loads of days like them, but you need to wake up and get back out there in the world, because life is not waiting on you.

You will grow up to be a sexy beast, I just need to put that out there. Hopefully, this will get you on the road to self-confidence rather quickly. And there is so many people here who are going to love you just as you are, quirks, faults, and all. So just live!

I love you very much,

Morgan 21

ps- Don't eat turket sandwiches in Thomson, you will thank me later.

So, now I want each of you to post a comment with what you'd say to your 10 year ago self, whatever that may be. It's a great way of reflecting on the things you've done and haven't done and really gices you insight in to how you should be living your life today! So get to it, my friends!

The Battle for the Dress Part Deux

So, for the past month I have been hitting the gym at least three times a week to get in shape for my wedding, and in general, just for my life. I love going to the gym, it gets rid of stress and gets me out of the house and gives me time to just relax. Yes, going to the gym helps me relax more than vegging on the couch. So here are my results this month compared to last month.

Weight in May: 135.2 lbs

Weight in June: 136.6 lbs

Bust in May: 35"

Bust in June: 35 1/2"

Waist in May: 29 1/2"

Waist in June: 28 1/2" (lost an inch!)

Hips in May: 38 3/4"

Hips in June: 36 3/4" (lost two inches!)

Arms in May: 10 1/2"

Arms in June: 10 3/4" (but they're so much more muscular now)

Thigh in May: 22 1/2"

Thigh in June: 22 1/2"

So my results surprised me. I gained weight but lost inches off my wasit and hips. I can fit into my clothes better and that just makes me so happy. I wasn't happy with my weight gain so I started wlaking for 45 minutes, going to do my strength training, and then I ran for 45 minutes. It seems to be working. This month, I am incorporating healthier eating into my weight loss program. My Aunt Julie lost 45 pounds using a cookbook that has recipes that would normally be said to be bad for you, but the author makes them healthy and still delicious. So I am going to give that a try. Andrew actually made me some french toast from the book the other day that used light bread and imitation egg and it tasted awesome. So going grocery shopping today. The name of the books that i am going by are.

Wedding Cakes- Just A Few to Really Get the Creative Juices Going

When guests come to your wedding, chances are there will be two things they will be itching to see #1. You, the bride and #2. The wedding cake. Let's face it, the wedding cake is the centerpiece of your entire union. It showcases your tastes as a couple artistic and culinary. In fact, most wedding planners recommend you pick out your cake first to set the tone of your wedding. So, here are a few cakes to get your taste buds and creative juices going. To see more photos like this, check out http://www.theknot.com/.

The couple chose a buttercream frosting cake that was decorated with pink ribbon and fresh orchids.

Cake: Jacques Pastries, Suncook, NH; Photo By: Dachowski Photography, Manchester, NH

Thought of having a mountain wedding? This cake is sure to impress. This cake was created by the Ace of Cakes himself, Duff. I love "Ace of Cakes." My fiance and I watch it all the time!

Cake: Charm City Cakes Photo By: Paige Elizabeth, Denver, CO

There is just something about branches on cakes that really make me happy. This couple hit the branch motif on the nose!

Cake: Daube's Cakes & Bakery, Rochester Photo By: Christy Murray Photography, Simsbury, CT

This cake is so fun and whimsical and this is what I mean by couples expressing their style through their cake.

Cake: Gateaux Inc.

Photo By: Wendy Woods Photography

Registering 101

The highlight of many couple's wedding perks: the gifts. Now is the perfect time to ask for that really expensive set of cookware you've always wanted. Just kidding, well not really, a lot of couples do ask for some pretty outlandish stuff that they normally wouldn't. And that's the beauty of it. You can ask for whatever you want. However, you must keep in mind that you may not get it. So, let's begin with some registering etiquette, shall we?

1. Registering should be one of the first things you do. So, first you need to pick out what you need &/want, find a store or website that caters to that, and go registry window shopping. Leave your credit card on your dresser; you're not going to need it!
2. It is usually expected of guests to bring the couple a wedding present if they are invited to the ceremony and the reception. However, if a guest attends your soiree without a gift in tow, don't write them on your poo list, especially if they are not close to you or your family. If a guest is invited to the ceremony only, they are definitely not required to bring a gift.
3. Checks are a fun gift to receive, but are not meant to help you pay for the wedding. They should also be sent a "thank-you" note like everyone else.
   
4. There is no minimum or maximum of the cost of a gift. Let me let you you in on a myth: The cost of the food for the reception per head is how much the gift should cost. This is rubbish! Seriously, it's the thought that counts.
5. You are not, and I mean, NOT allowed to say where you are registered or ask for gifts on your save the dates or your invitations. To do so is to seem like you are expecting a gift in exchange for coming to the wedding. Not only is it rude, it makes you sound greedy. If you want to make your registry known, tell your parents and attendants where you are registered. This is so if they are asked by a guest, they will be able to pass on the information.
   
6. A little amendment to that rule, though. You are allowed to include your wedding website link on your save the dates and invites. The wedding website usually includes amenities for your guests such as links to restaurants, hotels, details of wedding events, maps to your ceremony and reception sites, etc. Your registry information can also be included on the page. It's not a faux-pas to include this now service on your site, which can be placed on your invites. Instead of looking you're blatantly asking for gifts, this will make the registry information look more like a service to your guests.
7. Always keep a record of your gift information: such as the giver, the gift, and the giver's address. Once gift giving becomes prominent, you should sit down as often as possible and write your guests thank you notes. This makes them feel appreciated and you don't get backed up with thank you's in the future. This also makes the whole thanks process a lot less boring if you are just writing 1-3 thank yous a day.
8. Thank yous should be sent ASAP after a gift is received. That whole one-year to write a thank you note rule is also rubbish. Just think of all that goes on in a year. Who wants a thank you note that late?
9. If you (God forbid) call off your wedding or you file for divorce or annulment immediately after the wedding, you are required to give the gifts back. You don't get any presents if there is no couple to give it to.

Some Registering Suggestions

1. If you are just a starting out couple, tradition is to register for household items. Ask for cookware, glasses, silverware, furniture, bath and bedding accessories, anything you know you're going to need for your new home together. Just make sure your fiance has a say in what you are registering for, because no self-respecting man wants a pink comforter in his bedroom. Then again, I may be wrong: I don't judge.
2. You don't have to have traditional gifts for your wedding. If you have enough cookware going into the wedding, you can ask for entertainment items. DVDs, CDs, books are always good gifts, especially if you feel guilty asking for expensive gifts.
3. Have everything you need? How about a honeymoon registry? There are now web sites that are able to allow your guests to go online and pick amenities that you choose for your registry and the registry will then send you a check the week of your wedding and the week after. For example, say you place a night at your honeymoon hotel on your registry. Your guest will see it on your registry, and (hopefully) purchase it for an extra minute cost. There you have it, a honeymoon registry.
4. If you are completely and utterly selfless, or just don't feel like receiving any gifts, but your guests are asking you where you are registered, because they want to give you something to commemorate your union, then ask them to donate to your favorite charity on your behalf. It's a wonderful way to help the world.

Here are a few websites you can look into for registries:

• www.bedbathandbeyond.com
• www.thehoneymoon.com
• www.macys.com
• www.walmart.com
• www.target.com
• www.belk.com

Happy shopping!

Breaking Down the Budget: Who Pays(Traditional and the Not-So-Much)

So, you may now have your wedding in mind. Whether it is going to be the social event of the season or just a little shindig in your backyard, it's always a daunting question about where the money is actually going to come from. Below is the traditional breakdown of wedding costs.

• The Bride's Family Pays for:

-The wedding planner

-All stationery, including invitations, thank you cards, announcements, and postage

-The bride's dress and sometimes the female attendents' dresses as well

-All reception expenses

- Flowers

-The groom's wedding ring

-Wedding photography and/or veideography

-Officiant fee

-Music

-Accomodations for all out of town guests

-Transportation of guests to and from the wedding and reception

• The Groom's Family

-The marriage license

-The bride's wedding ring

-The rehearsel dinner

-Flowers, mainly bouttonieres for the men

-Bachelor dinner

-Honeymoon

So, that's mainly it. Many a times, parents are more than happy to foot the bill, but if you are like me, the idea of my parents blowing all their hard earned money on a weekend of frivolities makes me feel uncomfortable. The above breakdown of expenses is really just old, outdated, and used as a default if you really don't know how to go about breaking them down. But this is more of a guideline than a rule now. Many brides and grooms are paying for their own weddings, or splitting the costs with both sides of the family if the parents are insistant on helping out financially. There is another reason why brides and grooms are not taking anything from their parents and that is if you want something done your way, being financially obligated to indulge your parents because they are paying will stifle your creativity and keep you away from the wedding of your dreams. And I'm not saying that parents who pay hold their kids arms bhind their backs and make them do the wedding their way. But when they make a suggestion you are expected to at least acknowledge it, and that is the polite thing to do. But then the suggestion begins to weigh on your mind more because your parents are paying and the suggestion came from them. So now I have listed the pros and cons of the paying parties:

1. The Traditional Breakdown. The pros are that the parents basically take care of everything and the couple rides off into the sunset not financially broken. The cons are that the parents are going to have more say in everything you choose, from the guest list to the music choices. My advice is to have a sit-down discussion with the parents, and let them know how much you appreciate them footing the bills, but also nicely reminding them that it is your big day, and advice from them will be solicited when needed. It will let your parents know where you stand as an adult and save you from a lot of conflict later. But if your parents have a very hands-on attitude about the wedding, discuss with them the aspects of the wedding that are important to them. That way you all have an understanding of who wants to do what and there won't be arguments over unexpected creative clashes.
2. The Bride and Groom pay. The pros are that you will learn how to budget together, have complete creative license over the affair, and you will really appreciate the event more because you paid for it. The cons are that you may have to, strike that, will have to constantly budget your living expenses with wedding expenses, possibly take out lines of credit to pay for it if you want something more elaborate, and could probably end up with less of a wedding than you were hoping for. My advice for that is to start saving now. Just putting back about $100 from each of your paychecks saves about $400 a month. Over the course of a year that's $4,800! Even cutting some expenses like eating out often or going to see a movie could save around $2,000 a year.
3. Everyone chipping in a little here and there. The pros is that not just one party is stuck with all the bills, everyone gets a say in the planning process or none if they choose. The cons are the more of people paying, the more opinions are going to be thrown into the wedding pot. Just remember to stick to your vision about your wedding day. If a contributor to the wedding comes forward and is very adamant about integrating an aspect of the wedding, discuss it with them and let them be heard. Don't dismiss the idea before you have heard them out.

Also, though tradition states the wedding party expenses are paid for by the bride and groom's families, you may want the attendents to help pay, mainly for their attire and transportation. Let them know way in advance so that they don't feel like they have been jipped as the wedding day approaches. This will give them time to decline the attendent invite if they can't afford the costs.

Mainly, for all aspects of the budgeting and money interests, you need to discuss it with all parties involved. Communication is key.

We Have Set the Date!

Hello, all! So this is more of a celebratory blog as opposed to an informative. Andrew and I went to Kilburnie on Sunday and the owner Johannes Tromp gave us a tour of the house and grounds as well as the ceremony and reception site at his residence at Craig Farm. I am not going to lie. I was 17 when my mom first drove me by Kilburnie, and ever since then I have wanted to be married there. The inn was originally built in downtown Lancaster until Johannes came down from the north. The building was being used as this gigantic rubbish storage place and was scheduled for demolition until Johannes purchased it and, get this, took the whole thing apart like a puzzle, and reassembled it across the street from Craig Farm. He restored to the house to its former glory and is now one of the most romantic sites in all of the South. So, anyways, Andrew ultimately fell in love with the inn like I did and we have September 4, 2010 under contract. I know it seems like a long time off, but for this venue we needed to make a decision fast. Kilburnie is a hot spot for weddings, and some have already been scheduled for 2011! But we are thrilled to basically have our venue booked and a set date. And yes, it's labor day weekend, but I am figuring out some ways to make it a wedding weekend so our guests from out of town will have a lot of fun. And yes, we are sticking to the $10,000 budget. Here's a few pictures of Kilburnie. It's just awesome, seriously.

Here is the link to Kilburnie's story if you really want to see what this place looked like before it was fixed. Just fantastic.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oh2feCQtjDc